Thursday, April 23, 2009

epiphany


I had a moment of Epiphany yesterday. I know, Epiphany is in the Winter and we just had Easter. Somehow I have been feeling guilty (thank you mother) for not taking the time to sit still, center, and concentrate and perhaps to journal about life-altering moments. Then after ramming myself with a mallet for about a week, I acknowledged the realities that are my life. I am not going to bore you with the details but suffice it to say, I need to find a space in my week that is just for me. I am considering taking some drumming lessons or guitar, or something. I just need some moments when I am not Mom or Mrs. Berry, solely Katherine.
Perhaps, now that the DH has completed his journey to one place, I can begin a journey to my own.
Speaking of which, my husband's journey to Baptism was beautiful. I've been struggling to put it into words. It almost felt like a wedding. Life altering. My perception of him has changed, our family has changed, my faith has changed. I have been standing with this man at Mass for nearly 20 years and realized last Sunday that we were one in our beliefs and I wept. And . . . we have the most beautiful friends . . . I am filled with so much gratitude for those who prayed and traveled with him and our family. I am greatly fulfilled by you.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

he washed their feet


48 hours until darling husband is baptized and it seems to have struck me this evening at Holy Thursday Mass. Suddenly, I was crying, watching the Archbishop reenact what Jesus did for his friends on the night before He died. The humbliness of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples. Can you imagine how the disciples might have felt? This man, entering their lives, loving them unconditionally, changing their perception of who God is, performing miracles in their sight and then bending down to wash their feet. These were not the manicured feet that I dole out money for but desert-hardened, sandle-worn feet. Such an intimate moment, so personal.

I know in my heart of hearts that Sean would be welcomed into Heaven regardless, yet I was so struck tonight. His last dismissal. The next time the Eucharist is celebrated at St. James, my husband will receive. He received at Lindy's funeral, it was the only time he ever had, and he hasn't since.

I'm trying to work out why I am so emotional about this. This man has been with me at Mass for nearly 20 years and now he is embracing what I have held dear for so long. I am so happy.

Pray for him.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

be quiet


So there's the whole thing about God giving us the gifts we need when we need them. Recall the joke about the guy who kept praying for God to get him out of the hole, but never accepted the help that came his way (ie. person with long rope willing to pull him out) then, when God shows up to guy in hole wondering why God didn't help him out of the hole, he points out that he was there earlier as the person-with-the-long-rope-willing-to-pull-him-out. So where am I going with this? Here I am all excited at the humoungous tax return (sorry Amy) that we get from the feds. Bathroom remodel - paid for, new deck - paid for, removal of the overwhelming fir tree in back yard, - paid for. At least that was the plan. Then DH's car comes down with an illness which ends up costing $1000.00! So I'm depressed that my well laid plans for said fed money are somewhat dashed. Reasonable, realistic me says, "well, at least you have the money to pay for the car illness!" Cranky, whiny me says, "but, but, but I wanted that new deck and the tree cut down!!!". So mostly I've spent the last week vacillating between gratitude and whining.

Okay, then there's the weather. I really want to have warmish (60 degrees is fine) and dry instead we get "cold and wet". I know, be quiet, I'm not living in ND dealing with impending flood waters or in some flat-place facing tornadoes to Oz. Cold and wet is not life threatening, but, but, but, I want to walk my dog without a parka and prune my shrubbery without fear of frostbite! So, I've spent the last week vacillating between gratitude and whining. Where have I heard that before?

Oh, yeah, and I get next week off, my bathroom remodeled and my darling husband receiving the Sacraments of Baptism, Communion, and Confirmation.

I'll be quiet now.